"Dear God, please don't let the baby in Mommy's tummy die." Sometimes we don't get the answer we like. Sometimes bad things happened. Job had everything taken from him and he said, "The Lord gives and the Lord taketh away, blessed be the name of the Lord."
Sometimes we don't understand. Two miscarriages in a row. What? Why? Three total. What is going on? I intend to find out.
We went to see and hear the heartbeat on Friday Instead we saw what should have been a ten week baby measuring 6 weeks and 5 days with no heartbeat. DEVASTATING. AGAIN. WHY? We went back to the doctor on Tuesday to confirm the bad news, draw blood for testing, and make a plan. Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday went by with nothing. So Friday afternoon about 12:30 I took my first 800 mcg dose of cytotec. Four hours later, nothing. Four and a half hours later, a tiny bit of blood. So I decided to sit down and "push." Even though there was barely any cramping or any signs at all, just as easily came out, the sac with baby inside. What the? Really? Here I was prepared for intense labor-like pains and that was all. About a half an hour later the placenta came out with more pushing and it was over. That was it. After two previous losses I was bracing for pain. I didn't get it. I think it would have been easier if I had, then the experience wouldn't have been so surreal.
Monday morning, September 28th, my wonderful husband took the day off and we drove the baby to Omaha to be dropped off at the lab. My doctor would like me to undergo an HSG and an Endometriosis surgery around November. It's just another waiting game.
I think, to most people, it's "just another one" and therefore, I've been through it before so "no big deal." But the truth is, it's an even bigger deal because I've had to lose two in a row. No answers. No rhyme or reason. Yes, I'm blessed, I have three beautiful living sons. I get that and it is not lost on me in the least bit. But maybe that's why it makes it even harder. Why were they so easy and problem free and suddenly I have issues? What's going on?
Not much else to say right now. Just need time to heal I suppose. Need answers. When I get them, I'll post them.
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