Rollercoaster of Emotions

Before I begin what I really want to say, let me tell you how my weekend went. Dave and I went to my brother's house across the water. We stayed up late grocery shopping and talking. (Okay brother, yes, 10 is late for me!) Saturday morning we headed to Pacific Raceways, where the NHRA race car association? had top fuel, funny car, and alcohol car drag races. If you're like me, you probably have no idea what that all means. Basically, top fuel and funny car race the loudest things on the planet! I think Dave said they run 7,000 horsepower. When you are in the stands and pregnant, this is an interesting experience! My seat was rattling and I'm sure Beaner thought we were launching to outer space with all the crazy noises and vibrations. I had ear plugs in and still have to cover my ears tightly! My whole body shook as the cars whizzed by. I think the best comparison would be to stand in front of a 747 jet engine prior to take off. Even that, I'm not sure, would compare! I was scared I was hurting Beaner, but the doctor said it would be safe and okay. Although race cars are not my thing, it was definitely an experience! Aside it being hot and me being thirsty all day and having to pee every ten minutes, it was a good weekend!

Today I got the worst news ever. And since it is not my news to tell, I will do my best to guard the privacy of the situation. But I cannot help but write about it because it is so near and dear to my heart. My miscarriage last year was probably the hardest thing I have ever been through. But, the sadness I am feeling now for a loved one is even heavier than my own loss. For those concerned, my Beaner is healthy as far as I know and things are going well. However, another little Beaner out there will not be so fortunate. My heart breaks for my dear loved one and there is nothing any of us can do to prevent this upcoming loss. The purpose of sadness like this does not make sense and I don't think it ever will. However, I do know with faith and certainty, through experience, that even when the darkness rises and hope seems lost, the sun always seems to make its way back out again, and hope rides its radiant beams in the midst of the storm, to clear up the rain. It took nearly one year after my loss for the rain to clear and the sun to start beaming again, but the sun did come out. Even the most hopeless situation can turn itself around through time, faith, and hope.

I will leave that as it is for now. But your thoughts and prayers for my friend are all much appreciated. I'm not sure when I will write again, as it is hard to be joyful in your own situation when someone so loved suffers so much.